We hereby solemnly apologise for our performance in the 5th ODI at Hyderabad. We really have no excuse to give, but the fact that we are not worthy as you to play at this level. You see, we find it hard to focus on the game and develop our skills and mental strength with all these things going around us. I mean we have the IPL, the Champions League T20, all the endorsements to look up to. And you’ll agree it’s understandable that all this is very important for a player to succeed in his career.
We really appreciate your innings yesterday. It was undoubtedly the best ODI innings anyone has played, maybe in a decade. Too bad you ended up on the losing side. But you see, winning and losing are a part of life and cricket, so please don’t feel disappointed. As Dhoni said, our bowlers could have done something more to restrict the Aussies to a lesser total. So what if Ravinder didn’t have the IQ of a rock to notice that the ball was already in the fielder’s hand (who, by the way, was standing a whisper away from the wicket) when he ran like his ass was on fire? and Praveen Kumar, you know him, he’s washed clothes all his life, and so decided he won’t soil them by diving unnecessarily to cover that 1 last inch. He didn’t know he had a chance of getting out!!! And you know Yuvraj keeps telling through his adverts that even if he doesn’t play, he’s got ample insurance cover to live his life-like a true ‘Yuvraj’
Well anyway, you know how we are, always snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. It has happened so many times before, and it happened one more time yesterday. So what?
So to cut things short, we are sorry for our performance (?) yesterday and we’ll like to make it up to you. We’ll be signing some new endorsement deals and we’ll ensure that you get a part in them.
Ok, gotta run, the shot’s being called and we’re already out of time and patience.
Rest of the Indian team.