The Calm

They say in death all things become clear. I’m sprawled on the ground like a roadkill, the faint rumbling of the earth under my back is the only sensation I can feel now. There is no pain and no will. I silently gaze the starlit night and take in the cool air of the countryside, waiting.

11:32 p.m.: The adrenaline kicks in as ‘Extreme Ways’ starts on my ipod, and I rev up my bike. The thrust and the speed and power I feel fuel a second rush of adrenaline, and I’m high. The needle on the speedo is now dancing to my beat, and it’s itching to touch the 110 kmph mark, like a mountaineer fighting the last crevice to reach the summit. I speed on…

11:35 p.m.: I always believed that there is a fine line between being a daredevil and being reckless, and I love flirting with it. I see a truck coming on the other side, as I plan to overtake a jeep. The window between the two is closing quickly, and the casanova in me decides to flirt again. I let the needle caress the 110 kmph mark like a lover who has met his girl after ages of being apart.

11:38 p.m.: I’ve committed myself to the overtaking maneuver, and realize too late that I’m not going to make it, so I hit full throttle to gain whatever advantage I have. As I cut the jeep in front of me, my rear wheel touches it’s front right fender, and I fishtail and crash. Apparently, the jeep driver has the reflexes of a python who has just had it’s dinner, and the last thing I know is a mountain passing over my torso. I black out…

11:39:15 p.m.: Whoever said that Life flashes before your eyes just before you die was telling just half the truth. Life doesn’t flash by itself, you revisit it. You are like a lawyer preparing for the most important case of his life, and you don’t want to miss out on any action of your’s that will lessen your sins, and also think of all the excuses for your sins, to make them look like something lesser than they truly are. Its foolish you know, as if the ‘vindictive’ God will rely on you to keep a track of all your deeds, and will accept your version. As I have done all my life, I postpone this life flashing thing till the last moment possible…

11:39:20 p.m.: I saw in some movie that there is a belief that when you die, you turn into a star in the sky. I gaze intently at the sky and try to find a place for myself in the crowd. I think my brightness will depend on what I did IN my life and WITH my life. If this is the case, then maybe the Hubble will be the only way of noticing me…

11:39:21 p.m.: I thank God for the life He has given me, and confess all my sins, not to gain a favour, but to die without guilt.

11:39:22 p.m.: I thank my parents and my family for all their sacrifices, and ask for forgiveness for doing injustice to their expectations and not measuring up to the height they imagined I would reach.

11:39:23 p.m.: I shed a tear for the girl I love the most, and pray that she knows how much I loved her. My heart breaks for the first and last time, realizing I could never understand or even know, how much she loves me.

11:39:24 p.m.: I count the number of friends I was blessed with, and wish everyone has them in their life. I feel content knowing that I didn’t fare too badly as a friend.

11:39:25 p.m.: I think of all my mentors and gurus, who really succeeded in teaching me something. I hope I was able to meet their expectations and do justice to their lessons.

11:39:26 p.m.: I revisit all the happy moments in my life, all my successes and accomplishments. Moments that gave hope to those around me that I, after all, was worth something.

11:39:27 p.m.: I count all my sins and moments that made me someone I was not. I ask God to give me the courage to own up for those moments when I’m finally held accountable.

11:39:28 p.m.: I pray to God to forgive my enemies, even if the bastards don’t deserve it.

11:39:29 p.m.: I wish I could see her one last time. I smile for the last time knowing she wouldn’t have to see me die this way, alone in an unknown place. Solitude was always a painful bliss…

11:39:30 p.m.: Between the last gasp of hope and the last sigh of knowing that Hope never escaped Pandora’s box, I die. As I spiral freely into the deepest abyss, the final truth strikes me with full force. Death is the only reality, and clarity, like everything else, was just an illusion.

DELTA1

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