25 Seasons Weathered

It’s November 25th, and it’s 5 days after I turned 25. The feeling has not sunk in, because there was none to begin with. For me, there was nothing special or great or depressing or sad or ecstatic turning 25. But yes, there is a satisfaction that I’m earning, I’m financially free, and people think that I’m mature ( God alone knows the truth ). But all said and done, it was a special day.

It is said that every man should have a check list of things to do and own. And before he dies, this checklist should be completed, all the items in it done and checked. I too have such a list, and I managed to check off one item, meeting all the required conditions. I always wanted to own a 1:12 scale model of a Ferrari F1 car, and wanted to buy it from my own salary. I redeemed that pledge on this 20th, and now I am the proud owner of a Ferrari (OK..so what if its a scale model? It’s still an official licensed product from Ferrari Spa!!!).

My flatmates and friends presented a cool fastrack watch to me. I always thought that a fastrack watch was too good for me to wear, since they come in thick and broad straps, and my forearms and wrists are exceptionally thin. But my friends managed to find one that actually looks good on me. This doubled my joy of finally wearing a fastrack.

I’m not a philosopher or a thinker to jot down what I’ve learned on completing this milestone. but looking back at the road I’ve travelled, I think it was an exceptional road. The travel so far was fun, and more often than not, hard. I’ve had a lot of fellow travelers pushing me on, helping me get up to my feet when I staggered or stumbled or slipped, giving me second chances, but not waiting even for a simple ‘Thank You’ from me. I’ve lost some of them, and it was like the cogs in my wheels broke, and there is no replacement available. Some decided to take different routes, and the decisions were mutual or tearful, but they had to be taken. Some were the obstacles in my way, but God was generous enough to send me more guardian angels than devils. And for this, I’m forever in debt.

What remains now? To walk. With patience, endurance, gratitude, humility, strength, and a smile. To recognise. Threats, opportunities, friends, foes, goodness, evil. To remember. Blessings, blunders, successes, teachings, the past.

To be. Myself.

DELTA1

Vacations, Abhyanga Snaan, Happiness

I’m 10 years old. It’s the last paper of the 1st term exam, and holidays are just 45 mins away. It’s a stupid subject and I desperately try to write as fast as I can, but somehow it seems that fast is not fast enough. Finally, the bell rings and I pack up my things and cut through the benches to get out of that classroom as fast as I can. I flash a biiggg ( and I mean BIIGGG) smile when I see that baba  (dad) has surprised me by coming to pick me up. He’s happier than I am, and I run towards him. I remember that he has taken a half day leave and will go to office after dropping me home. I’m thinking about the cricket pitch that my friends and I decided to make today, and I anxiously ask him whether the work has started. He has anticipated this question and replies that they cleared the grass and stones, but the watering and rolling will begin at 4 in the afternoon, so I have enough time to have a quick lunch and a nap.

The routine is set for the next 20 days. I get up at 8, and reach the ground at 8.45. then it’s a couple of matches, till maybe 11 and then I head back home for some late breakfast. Taai (my didi), serves lunch at around 1.30 pm, but we thrash the hell out of each other before that. Then a quick nap, and cricket again from 4 to 6.30 ( or till it becomes too dark to see the ball properly). Then some fun with Aai(mom), Baba and Taai, and then cricket again from around 10.30 to 11.30. Dad too joins the gang, which by the way, also consists of all the other dads of the colony.

Diwali’s just a week from today now, and we all set out for shopping. Aai buys a decent saree, and leaves me puzzled by always stating a range first. She and Baba buy clothes for Taai and me without looking at the tags. Baba’s innovative reason for not buying anything for himself notwithstanding, Aai buys him a terrific shirt. We have dinner at a fabulous restaurant and head back home. Next day its the firecrackers, and we literally empty Baba’s pockets, but for him our happiness is the best Diwali bonus in the whole world.

It’s Naraka Chaturdashi today. Baba wakes us up at 4 am, the darkest hour before dawn. It’s time for Abhyanga Snaan. Baba puts on an audio cassette by ustad Bismillah Khan’s shehnai or Sudhir Phadke’s Geet Ramayan . Aai and Taai massage my head, arms and legs with scented oil and Aai bathes me with utane ( a natural scrub made by grinding some herbs). I’m the first one to bathe. As soon as I enter the bathroom, Baba starts bursting crackers outside. He stands in front of the door and shouts at me through the din, asking me whether I heard the sound of the crackers. I’m ecstatic and yell back. After I’m done, Baba and the rest follow, and now it’s my turn to burst crackers and yell at a closed bathroom door, asking for confirmation.

By the time I’m finished with my last cracker, the sun has risen. And the Festival of Lights begins.

DELTA1

ASNF

There’s this bank’s ad being aired on TV. The son is leaving home early morning the next day, and his dad is going over the check list over dinner the night before. He’s worried when his son says the flight is at 5 am the next morning. He’s worried that his son won’t make it to the airport in time. His son assures him that everything is gonna be fine and the dad reluctantly drops the case.  Early next morning the son is standing on the street with not a soul awake around him, save his mom with a worried face. He sees a taxi and desperately waves at it. The taxi stops and his dad gets out. He just explains in broken words that he thought it’d be hard to find a taxi so early in the morning. The son is just grateful he has his dad by his side and thanks him.

I love that ad. Because it brings out fully the one person that lives in the shadows but is as important to us as the air we breathe. DAD. He’s the one person who’s supposed to be practical, tough, the one person children are expected to obey, no questions asked. Every time his voice becomes stern, his children find the solace of their mom’s hug. And yet all that man is thinking of is the welfare of his child. Dads are expected to teach the children to survive in the world, to be ready for the challenges that it throws at them, to be steel. But then steel has to survive a furnace before anything else. We don’t expect a dad to cry (even though dads are sometimes the most emotional person in the family), because when the chips are down and the world is falling apart, there is just one face in the world that is calm and focused on making things better. Looking at that face has a tremendous calming effect that even God cannot produce with his infinite miracles. But then again, a dad is nothing but God’s disguised miracle.

Literature has praised heaps on the virtues and the godliness of mothers ( and believe me, it’s still way off from describing what a mother means to us). But with my limited exposure and knowledge of literature, I fail to find substance that honours a father with the soft glow of a limelight, or just 15 seconds of centre stage and fame. People are scared of shadows, and hence to try to find out what lies in them. So a dad just keeps content doing what he does best.

In the movie ‘Men of Honour’, Cuba Gooding Jr.’s dad makes a wooden radio for him, when he’s leaving for the diving school. He scratches the acronym ‘ASNF’ on it. Later in the film, Cuba Gooding Jr.’s instructor, Robert De Niro, who’s very trying and discriminate, reads that acronym and scribbles its full meaning, ‘A Son Never Forgets.’

A son never forgets what his dad does for him, without ever being asked, or told. A son never forgets that his dad doesn’t expect anything in return, neither a dime, nor a hand to support him when finally his knees cannot. A son never forgets that there is a Superman in every home, and he’s called ‘dad’. A son never forgets that behind the stern mask of practicality, behind the deliberate stupid jokes that don’t make him laugh, behind the harsh stare and the unmoving eyes, is a heart and a mind devoted to just one cause – caring and protecting his family, even if that means taking on the whole world and massacring it.

A son never forgets that if a mom is the hand that rocks the cradle, then a dad is its hinge that creaks and sways, but never breaks.

DELTA1

Night Falls, Knight Reigns.

Dear Christopher, Christian, Heath ( rest in peace man),

My memories of watching Batman on TV or in the movies prior to ‘Batman Begins’ were mainly of Batman saying something witty, fluorescent lights and bright scenes, a dramatic and theatrical ‘Two Face’. But the more i read Batman comics, the more I hated those movies, because they failed so miserably to capture who Batman truly was. All they knew was that Batman was just another superhero fighting on the side of good and winning against evil. But the essence of being Batman, being a hero who stood steadfast in the face of the greatest challenge and defeat, of being the world’s greatest detective, was still nowhere to be seen in those movies.

Had Batman been real, he’d probably watch this movie sitting in a lofty corner of a dark multiplex, unnoticed and would study every scene as it unfolded. He’d definitely study the games the joker plays and would be prepared for them. This movie, for the Batman, would be like looking in a mirror and coming to terms with what is. I daresay he’d have learnt a few tricks from this movie.

Had the Joker been real, he’d probably get a complex watching Heath Ledger play a joker so convincingly it makes the real one look like a fake. Being a sadist, and yet the will to find humour in others’ suffering, is something only a villain like the Joker can enjoy enjoy doing. Heath perhaps set the records straight by creating the best ( or worst) villain ever to play on a movie screen. (I’ve watched some movies, but have never come across a villain so intense…).

So thank you. Thank you for finally placing Batman where he belongs, as the greatest superhero ever created. Thank you for treating him with the intensity only Batman can have. Thank you for creating his arch nemesis, and locking them into an eternal battle. Thank you for creating a Joker that truly is a “clown” “prince” of crime, and making people shiver with the working of his convoluted mind. Thank you for showing Two Face the way his creators did, and not a Tommy-Lee-Jones lunatic and crazy wannabe.

Thank you for a wonderful movie experience and the satisfaction of watching my favourite superhero the way I like him to be.

Batman forever,

DELTA1

 

I won I won!!!

I won a red cap and a bottle green T-shirt of ‘Cathay Pacific’ Airlines. There is a travel week being organized in our office and these guys had put up their stalls there.

The Awakening

I wake up feeling very light and cold. A sterile white light is washing upon me, as I slowly open my eyes and see a cold white ceiling. The chill is unbearable. “I’ve gotta be dead to feel like this”, I wonder. Someone taps on my shoulder. He is standing directly under the white light, and I cannot make out his face, a shadow of itself. There are some noises in my ears, but I can’t make sense of those noises. “That’s it!!! I’m dead” I declare, unsure how to react and feel about this all ‘being dead’ event.

Someone again shakes me, but I’m just dazed at the whole feeling. Strange noises fill my ears, and since I’ve determined that I cannot understand them, I ignore them. The voices persist though. I am starting to get pissed off now, but somehow keep my cool. It’ll save me eventually.

I try to backtrack to the recent events. I had come to office at the usual time, with half sleepy eyes and a dead brain. I checked my mails, my blog and the stats, and went to the cafe to have breakfast. The breakfast tasted funny, and I my chest started paining a bit. As I always do when it comes to my health, I ignored it. At 1 p.m. I had my lunch and the pain intensified a bit. I shook it off and returned to my chair with feet of lead. I thought reclining fully on the chair would make me feel a bit comfortable, and so I relaxed. It was then that I blacked out.

“That’s it!!! I had a fatal heart attack.” I observe. I’m waiting for some angel from God’s own heaven to descend upon me to take me to His heavenly court. I somehow sense that he’s standing over me now, and talking to me. “Is this it? Is this the court? So I’ll be tried for all my sins here. But then why am I shaking? I was ready for this day. Wasn’t I?” I’m confused. Somehow the surroundings seem vaguely familiar. “I’ve been here before. Was it in a different lifetime?” My head begins to clear out, and suddenly I’m violently shaken by some force I cannot see.

My head is suddenly crystal clear as things come back to me. I hear familiar voices laughing, and turn my head slowly, only to see that they are my colleagues. I fear the worst for them too. It is then that those words fall on my ears and I jump out of my chair and stand bolt straight.

With a voice as cold as death, and eyes that mean business, my manager says, “We need to talk.”

DELTA1 

The Sentinel

Ali lay quietly on his jute rope woven cot in the garden. It was a quarter after 10, and the neighbourhood was quiet. He had dinner and was looking for a nap before his shift started at 2 a.m. He was the Chief of the Elite Patrol of the Police force of a town in Arabia. Ali was once a Palace guard, and was entrusted with the security of the princess herself. As he lay down that night, looking at the stars and dozing off, his neighbour’s 12 year old son Amin came and poked him on the shoulder. Ali slowly turned his head and looked with a big smile at his best and only friend.

“What do you want, shehzade (prince)?” he asked.

“How about a story, bhai jaan?” Amin asked with big starry eyes.

Ali sat on a side of the cot, cross-legged, and Amin sat facing him, cross-legged and with his chin resting on his palms and a twinkle in his eyes.

“Our story begins with a teenage boy, let’s call him Ali. Ali was an orphan and wanted to join the royal guards. He was strong for his age and was a good swordsman. He always won every sword-fighting competition he took part in. In one such prestigious competition, he was defeated in the final round by the prince himself. Watching Ali fight the prince, the prince’s coach recommended his name to the Chief of Security and took him under his wing. Ali’s dream was fulfilled. He started training with the prince himself and soon grew in reputation as the second best swordsman in the entire kingdom, bettered only by the prince.”

“The prince had a younger sister and over time, the prince, princess and Ali became very close friends. Ali was made the head of the princess’s bodyguard unit, as the prince trusted no one else with the security of his beloved sister. So everywhere the princess went, Ali took responsibility of her security and well being.”

“Trouble started when Ali fell in love with her. Though Ali never told her about her feelings, he had a hint that she felt the same way for him. But Royal blood demands its equal, and Ali knew it was an impossible mission to wish the princess for himself. So the loyal servant that he was, he went about his duty faithfully.”

“But why didn’t the princess find out a way through this? she had the means to do it!!!”, Amin said, with a hint of confusion in his voice.

“Nahi shehzade, remember she was a girl. Even if she was a princess and her father, the great emperor had a heart of gold; such behaviour from a girl was against the customs of the great kingdom of Arabia.”

“But the worst was yet to come. The prince of the neighbouring kingdom visited the Emperor. He and the princess met briefly and she knew instantly that he was the man of her dreams…”

“But this is not fair!!! She loved Ali!!! What about him!!???”, Amin was getting impatient.

“Easy boy! Ali misread the signs, and assumed where none existed. The princess was attracted to this royal prince and the more they met, the deeper they both fell in love. A moment came in Time, when the princess forgot Ali and could not think of anyone else but the prince. It was then that it was decided that the royal lovers be united in the holy alliance of nikaah.“

“Two days before the nikaah, the princess summoned Ali to her garden and said, ‘ Ali, you have been the rock I could lean on when my brother or father couldn’t be there for me, and I don’t mean that in an insulting way. But I must leave now. My heart is with a man who has sworn to make me his life, and I in turn have sworn to make him mine.”

“Ali saw the last pillars of his world crumbling.’ I wish you both every happiness princess. I am sure the crown prince will care and protect you like no one else.’ He bowed in respect and left the place as quickly as possible, fearing the princess would see his eyes moisten and he be betrayed by them.”

“Ali got himself transferred to the chief of Elite Patrol. His eyes turned indifferent to every emotion that his heart dared feel. He retained his good character, but lost the human being within himself. He became the sentinel in the shadows.”

“Why did Ali end up like that?” said Amin with tears in his eyes.

“Because he broke a rule his mentor once taught him.’ Every man should be aware of who he is, Ali.’ he said. ‘A fool, who is otherwise, is bound to fall in the depths of misery, from which there is no escape.’ “

Ali smiled at the confused look on Amin’s face. “Have you seen the guards in the marketplace when you go to buy fruits?”. Amin nodded. “You feel safe when you see them don’t you? And yet, have you ever seen anyone offering them fruits, or a glass of water on a hot afternoon? Have you ever seen them play with any children on the street? It is so because they are there to protect the citizens, not entertain them or roam around.”

“Ali forgot that he was just a sentinel. A sworn protector of the king and all that belonged to him. He had sworn to protect the princess. He was her first line of defense. And her last.”

Amin listened with questioning and confused eyes, and Ali saw a glimpse of sadness pass through them. Without a word, he lifted Amin in his arms and carried him to his neighbour. Amin was fast asleep by the time Ali put him to bed. He returned to his cot and star gazing.

And then, perhaps for the first and last time, the heartbroken man within him shed a solitary tear in memory of his love, before the sentinel took control.

Amin just said a silent prayer for his best friend’s tormented soul.

 DELTA1

Me, Myself and…I

ok, kiddo tagged me. So I have to carry on this game now, and the post is scary because it threatens to reveal more about me than my earlier tag post ‘8′. But here goes anyway…

I Am: Passionate. Intense. With a Devil-May-Care attitude. A maverick. Practical. Too unforgiving on myself. Unconventional. Brutally honest to myself… Anand Dixit.

I Think: about anything and everything. Worst case scenarios. Best case scenarios. Every eventuality i can possibly encounter in my lifetime.

I Know: ‘Life is worth froth and bubble, two things stand like stone. Kindness in another’s trouble, courage in your own.’

I Have: faith in myself and God.

I Wish: can’t write it here.

I Hate: Ingorants. People who take others for granted. People who change with the wind. People who don’t take efforts to understand others. ( Maybe its a bit too much, but…)

I Miss: My parents. My home. My love. My childhood at my grandparents’ place.

I Fear: Losing my loved ones. Dying a painful death in a road accident.

I Feel: any feeling there is worth feeling. I just don’t let people see what I’m feeling.

I Hear: everything that goes on around me. Its called ‘being aware’.

I Smell: not bad

I Crave: for nothing… or maybe i can’t put a finger on it.

I Search: for that girl who will look into my eyes and read my mind, make me feel vulnerable and exposed.

I Wonder: what is everyone upto, and what will happen on judgement day?

I Regret: nothing. period.

I Love: myself. Her. Everyone close to my heart.

I Ache: when i realize what the reality is, and where I am at this moment ( not geographically!!!)

I Care: for everyone whom I’m responsible for.

I Am Not: someone who’ll put up a false pretense, someone who’ll bow before life’s challenges.

I Believe: in me, in God.

I Dance: to the beat of my own drums ( thats what my RBK t-shirt says )

I Sing: Anywhere. Anytime.

I Cry: once in about 2 years.

I Write: read for yourself…

I Win: if its worth winning.

I Lose: my temper

I Never: be what I’m not, give in to emotions.

I Always: think, am practical, put my best foot forward.

I Confuse: people ( how do you think i survive??? )

I Listen: to my conscience, good music.

I Need: a support system ( badly, if I might add.)

I’m Happy About: I was truly happy only once. Have yet to experience that feeling again.

Phew!!!! that was a marathon ‘I’… God bless y’all

DELTA1

Miss Misery

I just love this song by Elliot Smith. It’s from the movie ‘Good Will Hunting’ starring Matt Damon, Robin Williams, Ben Afleck and Minnie Driver. Somehow I relate to this song, and it’s sung beautifully.

so here goes…

MISS MISERY

I’ll fake it through the day
With some help from johnny walker red
Send the poison rain down the drain
To put bad thoughts in my head
Two tickets torn in half
And a lot of nothing to do
Do you miss me, miss misery
Like you say you do?

A man in the park
Read the lines in my hand
Told me Im strong
Hardly ever wrong I said man you mean

You had plans for both of us
That involved a trip out of town
To a place Ive seen in a magazine
That you left lying around
I dont have you with me but
I keep a good attitude
Do you miss me, miss misery
Like you say you do?

I know you’d rather see me gone
Than to see me the way that I am
But I am in the life anyway

Next door the tvs flashing
Blue frames on the wall
Its a comedy of errors, you see
Its about taking a fall
To vanish into oblivion
Is easy to do
And I try to be but you know me
I come back when you want me to
Do you miss me miss misery
Like you say you do?

DELTA1

8

So wavesnsands tagged me. I commented on her blog that this is just too much stuff about me to be revealed in a single post. And I don’t even know most of it. But I’m gonna put my weight and complete this task. So here goes nothing!

EIGHT THINGS I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT

1. Me.
2. Mia Famiglia.
3. The only girl I loved.
4. Formula 1 ( for me it’s Ferrari, Michael Schumacher)
5. Manchester United
6. Food
7. Maharashtra.
8. Guns.
9. Books.

NOTE: barring the first three points, the others have not been listed according to their importance. They have the same importance for me

EIGHT THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. Fall in love (again)
2. Fulfill my dream
3. Bungee Jumping and sky diving.
4. Learn to play a musical instrument.
5. Learn to fire a gun.
6. Let there be a war so that I can join the armed forces and kill some bastards.
7. Learn to cook.
8. Be a dad my dad would be proud of ( sounds kinda silly but I’m in awe of my dad so…)

EIGHT THINGS I OFTEN SAY

1. arreeey!!!
2. What!!!???? ( kiddo actually lost it when I said this to her!!! imagine the way I say it!!!! )
3. Obviously!!!!
4. Matlab kya!!!????
5. all the others are slangs, too explicit to be written here ( plus I cannot think of anything to write o this is a good cover… maybe kiddo, su, raji, priya can help )

EIGHT BOOKS I HAVE READ RECENTLY

I can go on and on about this one, but I’ll stick to the structure

1. The Pelican Brief – John Grisham.
2. The Firm - John Grisham.
3. The Kite Runner – Khalid Hosseini.
4. Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah – Richard Bach.
5. A Prisoner of Birth – Jeffery Archer.
6. The Good Guy – Dean Koontz
7. The Godfather ( for the umpteenth time) – Mario Puzo.
8. The Godfather Returns (ditto) – Mark Winegardner.
9. The Bourne Supremacy (ditto) – Robert Ludlum.
10. The Rule of Four ( i swear by this book) – Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason.

Sorry for exceeding the list

EIGHT SONGS I COULD LISTEN TO, OVER AND OVER

Man this is a tough one!!! there are so many, atleast about 300 or so!!!! What do I do??!!!!!..

1. Naina – Omkara.
2. Hotel California – Eagles.
3. any song by Sudhir Phadke (He’s the greatest, and I know about him because my dad was his greatest fan!!!)
4. Hero – OST Spiderman 1.
5. Cry Me a River – Julie London.
6. Maane Na Mera Dil Deewana – OST Tere Ghar Ke Saamne (love the way this song is shot)
7. Ho ke Majboor Mujhe – OST Haqueekat (B&W)
8. Chandanyat Phirtana / Ye Re Ghana – Asha Bhonsale.

this list is actually endless

EIGHT THINGS THAT ATTRACT ME TO MY BEST FRIENDS

I plead guilty of not knowing what exactly I’m supposed to write here. If someone can explain, I’ll edit the post and fill… and at the end of the day, I guess I’m to self indulgant to think about what others think of me… so don’t know if I’ll be able to fill EIGHT! points

EIGHT QUESTIONS THAT ARE TROUBLING ME RIGHT NOW!!!

1. Why eight questions?
2. Is it because the person who started this chain had planned to write TEN things but couldn’t think beyond EIGHT and hence changed it to EIGHT?
3. Are you smiling after reading this stupid point?
4. Did you find it difficult to pen down the last two points?
5. Are you slyly smiling NOW?
6. Have you any idea that I don’t have 8 people I can tag at the end of this post?
7. Have you any idea how much kiddo and Su are gonna curse me after going through these points?
8. Could you guess that after the first couple of questions, I was out of thoughts and questions to write and just blabbered on to ‘fry your bheja’?

I tag…. nobody

DELTA1